A beautiful friend once complained to me how difficult life can be for the highly attractive. Apparently it is akin to being rich; one tends to be judged on one’s bountiful gifts and not on one’s inner qualities. It was hard to dredge up any feelings of sympathy. I was reminded of this moment when I listened to Woman’s Hour on Friday and learned of the existence of the National Association for Gifted Children. It appears that being a quick learner comes with its own drawbacks amongst which can be boredom, which leads to messing around in class, which leads to a prescription for Ritalin.
As a governor of a small primary school I have often heard parents complaining that their gifted children are not being well-served. There may be some truth in this of course, but their complaints outnumber the complaints of those representing children at the other end of the spectrum, by quite some margin and by most measures they have far more reason to complain. There is something of the sharp-elbowed about it and that is why educators and budget-setters have to be wary of the loud, educated voices of self-interest and balance them against the interests of children who may not have such effective advocates.
Most children who have spent their early years staring at a ceiling are not likely to be bothering the National Association for Gifted Children any time soon. If they are messing around in class then it will have much more to do with fear and self-loathing than about finding the work too easy. Like gifted children they don’t qualify for any special funding at school (the government ceased funding schemes for Gifted and Talented children earlier this year). It is worth spelling this out – a child whose early neglect and abuse renders that child often unable to function in the classroom at all receives no additional help or funding within school. If that child has special educational needs then they will get funding, but if their difficulties are not so easy to label then unless they happen to be in an unusually understanding school, that child will perform far below their potential. And there is more to play for here than dropping a few GCSE grades.
So maybe those of us who parent these children need to sharpen our elbows and become more vocal. There are many complex reasons why that is difficult. Our children take a lot of parenting which leaves little energy left for campaigning. We can be vilified by other parents who are fed up with our children disrupting the education of theirs, which saps one’s self-confidence. And many of us don’t want to go broadcasting the confidential facts about our children’s background around the playground. But maybe there could be a solution which helps everyone. If these children who started life at the bottom of the heap, were to receive the help they so badly need then their life chances would be radically improved. It is likely that classroom disruption would be reduced and the benefits felt by every child. It would be money intelligently spent and the marker of a mature and caring society – a big society.
Very interesting entry, much food for thought and reflection. Had no idea how tough this is as party only to the idyllic general perception of adopted children moving from a hard life to a happy life. Would be interested to know what sort of thing you mean by “to receive the help they so badly need then their life chances would be radically improved.” – is this the support and intervention of society early on i.e. pre going to school? Just want to understand what can be practically done to help, as doesn’t providing specific visible support at school reinforce to the children and their peers the feeling they’re different in some way?
I agree that when a child has minor problems it may be better to help them ways which are not visible to the other children. Sadly, many children who have suffered neglect and abuse will have serious problems which severely impact upon their ability to cope in a classroom. They may be hyper-alert due to having become accustomed to fearful situations and so will have difficulty concentrating, they will be disruptive, controlling and have difficulties forming friendships. The reality of this behaviour is that the other children will already view them as ‘different’. They will often need one-to-one help from someone who understands the impact of early trauma. Only then can these children start to feel safe and secure and only then will they be able to start learning in a meaningful way. It is expensive, which is the big catch, but then every child adopted saves the state an estimated million pounds. Thanks for your comment. The title of my next post is for you!
How reassuring to read your post. The adoptive mother of 2 girls everything you wrote about rings so true. I was trawling the web for funding options to get my hyper alert, controlling 8 year old a place in a small independant school locally rather than the huge local primary where she was drowning in big classes and so far behind despite being very intellegent. I have made the decision to home school for the moment – what a change in just a few months. No more screaming trantrums and learned helpless behaviours. She realised that she finally has a mummy who believes in her and wants to spend time with her. A little financial help would make all the difference now but it just isn’t there. The school had absolutely no idea about her needs and no resources to find out about them. Thank you for having the energy to blog about it. X
You are welcome and thank you for reading and commenting. Teaching a child with trauma and attachment difficulties at home is a tremendous commitment. It is disappointing that your daughter’s school could not meet her needs and that there is nothing suitable for her locally. What you are doing is amazing.